so seriously, where did this come from – the rock, paper, scissors? and, how did they – the rock, the paper, the scissors – become the select elements of privilege? and, who, pray tell, was the pioneer of these perfect components? whoever this architect may be, they are the wizard of infallible gaming machination. i’ve spent the last week attempting to uncover better constituents, and, alas, arrive at the conclusion that there are certain things (such as the icee) that cannot be improved upon. you will not find more faultless elements for a diplomatic duel than the rock, the paper, and scissors.
sure, there have been lame attempts toward modernization, but all have failed. after 7 days of research (which involved interrogating several people by the name of steve) the most popular of these attempts seems to be “gorilla, man, gun”. it is obvious that “gorilla, man, gun” is an inferior artifact. first of all, music is often suggested in this version of the duel. this is to help the participants to achieve a heightened state of excitement. and there is also the infinitely less refined use of one’s entire body. this entails the dreadfully un-subtle moment of revealing one’s chosen posture by the turning of one’s person back toward the opposing dueling party in a flailing jump maneuver allowing, for the practiced gamer, time enough to execute a few simple mid-air adjustments to manipulate one’s body to one’s advantage after the split-second observation of one’s opponent’s intentions through speedy study of one’s opponent’s body language. in other words, with moderate practice you can fluidly change a gun into a gorilla, or a gorilla into a man, with no confirmable objections available to your opponent.
no, the rock, the paper, the scissors, they are the result of wizardry.
the rock – i picture mine brown and craggy, viciously unsmooth and unrelenting in its rockness. the scissors – although not terribly menacing, as is my rock, they are adequate to the task of paper division. grade school issue, not the ones with the blunted end, but the pointy ones, the dangerous ones. i might wish to poke the paper for good measure, and for this, pointiness is useful the paper – white notebook. blue lines and red striped margin.
to me, the paper is the genius of the whole game. delicate, yet suffocating. the element unsuspected.
but enough of this talk. it is too flowery and convoluted. it is time to duel. and so we shall play. we’ll go best out of 3. now, to attempt to account for ties, i will go 3 extra. of course you will lose because i totally know what you’re thinking. but here goes. on three. as in one, two, three, throw down. ok? ok.
let me know if i win or lose and of course if you can think of better elements than the rock, the paper, and the scissor tell me and if the elements are undeniable then we’ll play your version next time.
my favorite comment regarding this post: "cant play with you. you play funny. korean people play ON three. as in "one, two, throw down." cant play cause we're off beat. you cheat cause you go one beat after me, after you see what i have. cheater." from kimaureen
and how does the paper beat rock?.. paper simply covered rock.. no structural damage whatsoever... rock can easily crash through paper.... thoughts courtesy of demitri martin.. look him up on youtube.. funny man with a guitar..
paper.
the score: tie, tie, tie, tie, lose(me), tie no new elements, but i once lived in a place where it was rock, paper, scissors, so wierd.
"Rock smashes scissors, their unusable. Scissors, cuts paper. It's little strips I can't use that. Paper covers, rock. Rocks doin' just fine... It should be, Rock, dynamite with a cutable wick, rock"
- Demetri Martian
"Rock smashes scissors, their unusable. Scissors, cuts paper. It's
little strips I can't use that. Paper covers, rock. Rocks doin' just
fine... It should be, Rock, dynamite with a cutable wick, scissors"
- Demetri Martian
Danger!!!
let me tell you of a game (similar to gorilla, man gun) that we call Supreme Being...
you start as an egg and roll around (like eggs do) until you meet another egg. you duel with rock paper scissors (I think trying to spell scissors is awful... I never can get it right) and the winner of the duel becomes a dinosaur.
the dinosaur stomps around (like dinos do) until they meet another dinosaur. they then duel with rock paper scissors and the loser is demoted back to egg and the winner evolves into a bird (because, in case you didn't know, that's what happened to the dinosaurs).
the bird flies around (like birds do) until it finds another bird to duel with rock paper scissors. the loser is demoted back to dinosaur and the winner becomes...
The Supreme Being... Also Known As DIANA ROSS!!!!!
The supreme being celebrates it's victory by singing "Stop in the Name of Love"
hope you enjoyed (and maybe played)
Very slick, emprise34. That paper at the end came out of nowhere.
So we did 3 extra in case of a tie, right? Um What happens when those 3 extra result in another tie? Lets duel David Crowder!
being rock all the time means i win 4, tie once, and lose once. next time, i'll do better. hah.
Dude.. I object! You so cheated! Tie Tie You Tie You Me
Cheated I tell you, CHEATED!
I kicked your butt! Tie Tie Me Me Me
I won mate. I mean, I'll give you points for the effort, but you were totally cyber-whooped. Don't fret any reputation you might've had. There's always next time.
we played a game much like gorilla. man, gun...a flawed yet amusing game, at summer camp...our version was superman, wonderwoman, chuck norris...still not as dependable as rock paper scissors, but in the name of entertaining a large group of high schoolers and sticking with a superhero theme...it worked well.
I BEAT YOU!! WOO-HOO!!
tie tie me you tie
Wow, I never thought that i'd be able to say that i played paper, rock scisors, with you. That's pretty awesome. Back in elementary school we used to play gun, tornado, rocket ship but i don't remember which one beat the other......
hmmm, i just read my comment and i don't think i beat you =(
i think we're tied.....
oh well
You won. And I am ok with that, because I played Rock, Paper, Scissors with David Crowder. And my parents were in the room when I did it (I'm on a laptop)...I got some weird looks, playing Rock, Paper, Scissors with my computer and all.
i would like it to be known that after several ties, i won two out of three on the last one...
good game, my friend.
I lost.
but I played rock paper scissors with david crowder.
thats way better than playing rock paper scissors with a guy that looks like david crowder.
I've done that way more.
dear mr. crowder,
i am sorry to inform you that i won this match against you. good try though. it was quite close. we tied often! haha that was fun =]
we tied every time except the 2nd round. you won (but only by thiiiis much!)
I lost. Indeed, I lost 4 out of 6 times, if I am not mistaken. It was an epic win, if I may say so myself.
And also, that might be the best thing that has happened to me all week. Thank you, sir. Thank you.
and the results:
Tie You Tie Tie Me You
the paper killed me. and your video is going on my blog so others can play David Crowder.
touche!
i chose scissors every time so...
tietieyoutietieme thus resulting in a draw...you are mighty young padawan, but have not yet bested me!
PS I live in a small town with only one Icee machine, and it's often out of order....NOT COOL!
I have to say cat, microwave, aluminum foil is pretty awesome especially, as a dog person, when you can act out the microwave beating the cat.
Comments (131)
and how does the paper beat rock?.. paper simply covered rock.. no structural damage whatsoever... rock can easily crash through paper.... thoughts courtesy of demitri martin.. look him up on youtube.. funny man with a guitar..
paper.
the score: tie, tie, tie, tie, lose(me), tie no new elements, but i once lived in a place where it was rock, paper, scissors, so wierd.
"Rock smashes scissors, their unusable. Scissors, cuts paper. It's little strips I can't use that. Paper covers, rock. Rocks doin' just fine... It should be, Rock, dynamite with a cutable wick, rock"
- Demetri Martian
"Rock smashes scissors, their unusable. Scissors, cuts paper. It's little strips I can't use that. Paper covers, rock. Rocks doin' just fine... It should be, Rock, dynamite with a cutable wick, scissors"
- Demetri Martian
Very slick, emprise34. That paper at the end came out of nowhere.
So we did 3 extra in case of a tie, right? Um What happens when those 3 extra result in another tie? Lets duel David Crowder!
being rock all the time means i win 4, tie once, and lose once. next time, i'll do better. hah.
Dude.. I object! You so cheated!
Tie
Tie
You
Tie
You
Me
Cheated I tell you, CHEATED!
I kicked your butt!
Tie
Tie
Me
Me
Me
I won mate. I mean, I'll give you points for the effort, but you were totally cyber-whooped. Don't fret any reputation you might've had. There's always next time.
we played a game much like gorilla. man, gun...a flawed yet amusing game, at summer camp...our version was superman, wonderwoman, chuck norris...still not as dependable as rock paper scissors, but in the name of entertaining a large group of high schoolers and sticking with a superhero theme...it worked well.
I BEAT YOU!! WOO-HOO!!
tie
tie
me
you
tie
Wow, I never thought that i'd be able to say that i played paper, rock scisors, with you. That's pretty awesome. Back in elementary school we used to play gun, tornado, rocket ship but i don't remember which one beat the other......
hmmm, i just read my comment and i don't think i beat you =(
i think we're tied.....
oh well
You won. And I am ok with that, because I played Rock, Paper, Scissors with David Crowder. And my parents were in the room when I did it (I'm on a laptop)...I got some weird looks, playing Rock, Paper, Scissors with my computer and all.
i would like it to be known that after several ties, i won two out of three on the last one...
good game, my friend.
I lost.
but I played rock paper scissors with david crowder.
thats way better than playing rock paper scissors with a guy that looks like david crowder.
I've done that way more.
dear mr. crowder,
i am sorry to inform you that i won this match against you. good try though. it was quite close. we tied often! haha that was fun =]
we tied every time except the 2nd round. you won (but only by thiiiis much!)
I lost. Indeed, I lost 4 out of 6 times, if I am not mistaken. It was an epic win, if I may say so myself.
And also, that might be the best thing that has happened to me all week. Thank you, sir. Thank you.
and the results:
Tie
You
Tie
Tie
Me
You
the paper killed me. and your video is going on my blog so others can play David Crowder.
touche!
i chose scissors every time so...
tietieyoutietieme
thus resulting in a draw...you are mighty young padawan, but have not yet bested me!
PS I live in a small town with only one Icee machine, and it's often out of order....NOT COOL!
I have to say cat, microwave, aluminum foil is pretty awesome especially, as a dog person, when you can act out the microwave beating the cat.